This assignment was done for module #8 for the discussion Designing and Styling. 

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We were tasked with taking both a macro and micro approach in editing. Visual design asks that we consider the design of a document as a whole and in its parts, while sentence-level editing takes more of a micro approach. There are instances where these two intersect, such as designing a document with a numbered list and editing the entries for readability. This assignment allowed us to practice these macro and micro editing considerations.

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Revising Sentence Cores:

 

I edited the following sentences to use the sentence core effectively and place subject and verb together near the beginning of the sentence. 

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(Original)            The focus of the test for Experiment II was tangential to and not a direct approach to leadership.

(Revised)             Experiment II was focused on a tangential rather than a direct approach to leadership.

                           

OR

                            Experiment II was focused on a tangential approach to leadership rather than a direct approach.

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(Original)            The major framework of her policy involves presenting a discussion of health care funding.

(Revised)             Health care funding will be presented as the majority of her policy.

                           

OR

                            A discussion of health care funding will be presented as her most major policy.

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(Original)             Some studies have revealed that there has been a small increase in mastitis cases involved with BST-                                   supplemented cows.

(Revised)             A small increase of mastitis cases has been found involving BST-supplemented cows according to                                      some studies.

                           

OR

                            According to some studies, a small increase of mastitis cases has been found within BST-supplemented                              cows.

                           

OR

                            Some studies show a small increase of mastitis cases involving cows supplemented with BST.

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(Original)             The expected results of the use of BST supplements is an increase in the profitability of the dairy                                         producer operations.  

(Revised)             The profitability of dairy producer operations is expected to increase as a result of BST supplements.

                         

OR

                            BST supplements are expected to increase the profitability of dairy producer operations.

                           

OR

                            Dairy producer operations can expect an increase of profitability resulting from the use of BST                                            supplements.

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(Original)           The reason why video vignettes are less used than lecture in corporate ethics training is because of the                               higher cost and the less available resources.  

(Revised)            Higher costs and a lack of resources are the reasons why video vignettes are less common than lecture                               in corporate ethics training.

                           

OR

                           Higher costs and a lack of resources create difficulties when using video vignettes instead of lecture for                             corporate ethics training.

                           

OR

                           Video vignettes have higher costs and less available resources than lecture when used in corporate                                     ethics training.

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Displaying Lists: 

 

I edited the lists for punctuation, spelling, completeness of information, and format. 

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Example 1

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(Original)

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Test planning – Mission planning defines the number and type of missions together with the actual flight plans for the mission to efficiently gather the data. The needed data includes distributed clutter, discretes, and targets in clutter under varying conditions such as: clutter types: meadows, trees, tree lines, desert; target types: both civilian and military, in these clutter environments and in various target configurations; and environmental conditions: wet, dry, snow. The mission planning will reflect inputs solicited from the MMW government and industry communities to make the data base widely useful.

 

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(Revised)

           

Test Planning

Mission planning effectively gathers data using the number and type of missions in conjunction with the actual flight plans. The mission planning will reflect inputs solicited from the MMW government and industry communities in order to make the database widely useful. There are three main data requirements:

1. Distributed clutter.

2. Discretes.

3. Targets in clutter. This includes varying conditions such as the following:

     a. Clutter types – meadows, trees, tree lines, and desert.

     b. Target types – civilian and military.

     c. Environmental conditions – wet, dry, and snow.

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Example 2
 

(Original) 

         

Three difficulties exist with 2-D images from a data analysis point of view. 2-D images are typically processed over a narrow angle of rotation (1 degree is typical). 2-D images in radar coordinates are also difficult to compare at different aspect angles because the target orientation is different in each image. The third difficulty is the elevation ambiguity inherent in 2-D radar imagery.

 

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(Revised) 

           

With regards to data analysis, there are three difficulties that exist with 2-D images: 

1. Angle of Rotation. 2-D images are typically processed over a narrow 1-degree angle of rotation.

2. Target Orientation. 2-D images in radar coordinates are difficult to compare at different aspect angles because the           target orientation varies in each image.

3. Elevation Ambiguity. 2-D images possess an inherent quality of elevation ambiguity.